Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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