One girl and one boy is just not enough.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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