Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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