She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Randomize
