She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
