Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
