She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
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