I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
