just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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