You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
