At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
it's like iHOP with fire
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
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He keeps bees of course he's weird
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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