I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Blood and glitter go together right?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
