I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
My feet surprised me
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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