Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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