I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
