Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
