turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
