Fuck appropriateness.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
