I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
A+ Viking dick
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
