Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
