chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
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