saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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