Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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