Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
