So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
