is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
