Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
