part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
What changed your mind?
Being sober
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I got inside last night via doggy door
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
