I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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