Swine flu. Run for my life!
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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