69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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