haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
