and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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