She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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