Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
