woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
