I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
