Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
