My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She told me I should be a condom model.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
