The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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