alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I think I sprained my soul last night
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
