my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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