ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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