its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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