i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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