do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
