Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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