Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
