She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
