As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
