So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i just wanna soil my oats bro
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
he quoted the bible to break up with me
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
