You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
