Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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