I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
