my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
