Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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