I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
