So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Less talking, more tequila
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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