Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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