I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
