HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I CAN MOONWALK!
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
