I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
