well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
