Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
