I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
