his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
